The Husbands' Club > My wife is considering joining the Navy
Obviously the benefits are unparalleled in the private or public sector, but it's really something that your wife has to want to do. My sense is that it's still a tough road for women in the military. However the opportunities are almost limitless - the senior ranks are full of people who started out as enlisted folks back in the day. There's no arguing that it can be a great career move if you're willing to give it your all and take advantage of every opportunity that presents itself.
Deployments and TDY are tough - I'm not sure I have much wisdom on that front as our little one is still a few weeks away. The one thing I would mention is that my dad was a fisheries inspector who used to go afloat when I was a little guy - and I didn't remember that at all. I think when you're a little duffer you're just happy to see mom and dad when you get the chance. My sense is it's probably tougher on the adults than the kid when they're really young. I'm not sure I have a magic bullet to fix that, but I always try to make sure my wife feels like she's not that far away when work takes her elsewhere. So phone calls and emails when possible and pretty much anything else I can think of to keep her in the loop about what's going on back home.
If you're worried about deployments the Coast Guard might be worth investigating. Deployments tend to be a bit shorter (though my wife did end up with six monthers two years in a row) and there are a lot of "home most nights" jobs too. Might also be worth checking out federal government jobs as an alternative - they have decent health plans at a pretty reasonable price.
Andrew
It sounds to me like you're doing the best thing possible for your wife to help her make the decision: you're standing behind her and supporting her. Your positive experiences with the military lifestyle and your confidence in being able to handle things should make the decision easier for her. The single most important thing for anyone serving in the military is knowing they've got love and support back home.
But here's the question: does she want to join? Does she get excited about the possibilities of the career? Of course, she wouldn't be the first to join just because she felt like she had to, but wanting to join can make the whole experience much better.
As for the little one, I can say that it was hard for my wife to say goodbye to our son when she was TAD (i.e. she was assigned to another base) for a couple months this summer. We saw her several times during the two months, but it was still hard for her.
It seems like the first separation is probably the hardest. Danielle had to be convinced that he wouldn't forget who she was (he didn't). Your wife might miss some of those "firsts," but that's the case with just about any job, not just the military. I'd suggest investing in a video camera :)
Thomas Litchford
I have to agree with Andrew and Thomas that the most important thing is that she really deep down wants to join the military in order to serve, because there are tremendous stresses on your marriage and your kids that outweigh the financial benefits. My wife is in the Navy, and she dreads being deployed and missing the kids growing up, so I would encourage her to explore government jobs first, and then maybe the Coast Guard. I don't want to scare her away from the military, but it is very hard on mothers.
Jason
Arthur
I was engaged when we first spoke of her joining the Navy. We were married 5 months before she was stationed in Virginia to finish her training and active duty. I unfortunately had to stay home where my career is 1000 miles away. It was the most difficult decision that I have ever had to make. The job market had completely crashed nationwide and I had a new wife and dreams of a family. Those dreams require both financial and emotional security so we reluctantly decided that I stay home. My employer has graciously has allowed me to take time off and spend 6 or 8 days with her every 7 weeks for the duration of these past 14 months. This has helped a great deal however, this has been the most trying and difficult period in my life. My only advice to you is if you love her, then support her in her dreams. Most importantly though, be there with her. If i had the chance to do it again, I would go with her. Our marriage has suffered a lot from the distance. With hope and love, of which i feel boundless for her, I believe we can return and surpass where we were. Keep the faith.
Mike
My Wife and I have a similar story, I applied with the California Highway Patrol over a year ago fully expecting to make it all the way through the hiring process, which I did. However a technical issue arose with my high school diploma being I was home schooled. I was disqualified. Needless to say all our plans were put on hold for the fact that even if I had taken a GED test as the CHP suggested they were no longer accepting applications. I was working at a dead end job making enough money to pay bills, but could not afford health or life insurance, and just having that "fun money." My wife was enrolled at the U of Phoenix getting a degree in pharmacy. We were in a rut and needed out, My wife started to look at other avenues starting with the Coast Guard. She didn't get a good feeling from CG (partly had to do with the old run down heap that the office was located in! lol) Her and I then met with a USN recruiter. We both had a very good feeling about what was offered, the benefits, the pay, the college tuition programs, and so on. However as it has been very hard to see her leave, to be such a distance apart, and just not be able to fall asleep next to her. This was the best decision for her future, and mine, but I am struggling with so many thoughts of regret, failure as her provider, feeling like I should be ashamed that my wife is military and im not. She graduates from basic in 3 days, and I can wait to see her and spend the weekend together. I do not know how A school works, or if I will be able to stay in Great Lakes with her, or even see her during those 14 weeks. That is the one thing that I already do not like about the military is the lack of information sharing! I moved from Arizona to Minnesota to live with my brother until she is finished with basic/ A school, but the hard part about that is i haven't been able to find a job yet! I think I will go insane soon if I cant find work. No one wants to hire for such a short time. Its 2:30 in the morning and I cant sleep.... just trying to get my thoughts out
Jack
My father has been active duty USN my entire life. He is currently a Master Chief working as a detailer now. I went to high school overseas, and when I graduated I too joined the Navy. Shortly after boot camp I found out that I had some heart problems, and needed to get a pacemaker put in (at age 18!) the Navy paid for it and I was discharged other than honorable - entry level medical discharge. I had planned though out high school to enlist, because it was really what I wanted to do with my life. I never applied for colleges, are put much emphasis on my studies towards helping any such goals, because I didn't think they would be necessary. After I got out, I had no idea what to do with my life. I ended up going to paramedic school. Ive been working in the field for about 8 years now.
Long introduction, but I kind of wanted to paint a picture of where I stand in life now. The job does not pay well, and I am getting more and more closer to the time where I will need a new pacemaker and some medical coverage for that event. However there are no ambulance companies in the state that offer medical coverage. (other than fire departments which I cannot work for due to my medical history)
Now I have a daughter and a wife. Im currently living with my parents, because we simply weren't able to afford the cost of living where we were. Been here at my parents house for the past 8 months after 8 years of being out on my own without their assistance. Looking at our situation, my health taken into account, there is so limited options out there for us as a family.
My wife has started looking into joining the military for all the obvious benefits. Medical and education of course. She has some concerns about joining though. We have an 8 month old daughter, our first child. My wife is worried about missing those "firsts". She worries that she will be in boot camp when the baby says her first words or takes her first steps. She is worried that she may have to be deployed when the girl has her first day of school, or the first big game, etc. Ive told her about my experiences growing up, I know my dad missed out on a lot of things in my life as well. But I feel that overall it ended up being a positive childhood, and that Im happy with the life I have lived based upon that upbringing (aside from the troubles we are having now!)
She feels that joining the military is pretty much the only viable option left for us now. She says she wants to join, but I think deep down inside she is doubting herself and is afraid the transition into a military lifestyle.
I dont really know what to do to help her. Did any of your wives join after being married? Or after having children? What if any advice would you give me and/or her? Im really not worried about the military life change, as a spouse. I can handle housing, travel, bitchy neighbors, etc. Im not worried about those things. I just dont know how to help her be more comfortable with taking that plunge and actually doing what is necessary to join. Any advice you guys could give would be appreciated! And with any luck I can officially be a member of the husbands club soon lol.